At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
