what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
