Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
