respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ladies don't puke and tell
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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