I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
