I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize