i barfeds in our rink
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
