i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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