Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
