She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
