I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Umm I'm too high to move.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
