How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
