I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
