im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
there was a trapeze. enough said
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
