i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I want her autograph on my taint
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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