I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
