I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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