It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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