Can i not drive my cunt home
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
