I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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