i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
