First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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