oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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