Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
