if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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