Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
