you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
