Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
