from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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