i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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