Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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