I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
