I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
