You smell like a Billy Joel song
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
