I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
