There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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