I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
