You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
