Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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