I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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