I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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