I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
