Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
