my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
