And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
