question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
