I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
