Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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