the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize