Yo dont text me then not text me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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