she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
