im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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