I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
