his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
