just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
