I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
