Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
