It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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