There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
