he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize