just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
