I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
