I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
