I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
